Day in the Life of Me

What it's like to be hard of hearing/deaf. I get up every day (if I don't fall asleep with my hearing aid) in I get out of bed put my ear in and start my day. During several parts of my day my hearing aid is either going to beep really loud, feel like it needs adjusting (settings), battery needs changed, or it starts acting weird. Why I keep wearing it when I would rather not: because some people are so rude they would rather yell at me to get my attention than let those who know how to communicate (by ASL) do so also music. They would rather not take the time to walk over to me tap me on the shoulder and talk to me so I could at least read their lips instead they want to get mad and yell behind my back thinking I can somehow completely understand what is being said. How rude can people get? It's almost as if I have no feelings of my own or that I even matter to that person. Why I would rather live without a hearing aid: cheaper (no batteries, nothing to fix, hearing will either stay same or get worse), don't have to worry about hearing ok then not hear anything, whomever would have to learn sign or treat me with respect for me to communicate with them, and people would be able to tell that I have trouble hearing because I wouldn't use my voice therefore no one would think I can hear everything perfectly because of how well I can speak. Respect is a two way street in order to get it you have to give it too. I would like to be able to choose for myself not to wear my hearing aid because of those reasons but I feel like I have no choice because those same people that yell at me because they want my attention think that my choices are being made for me and get mad and irritated when I use sign language to communicate or could it be they are upset with themselves because they didn't take the time to learn for me or for others? By the way in case you didn't know sleeping with hearing aids in will and can cause ear infections like swimmers ear and it can cost $200 or more to get it taken care of.
   I watch tv shows like the new on on ABC Family "Switched at Birth" and I saw myself in a few of the first episodes. I wonder what it would be like to be able to choose like Daphnie on the show. She wasn't forced to learn how to talk or expected to talk. This is what I often think of throughout my day. Why didn't my family ever learn sign, why don't they or some others think that it's ok to be different than they are, why do I have to be yelled at just because they don't want to take the extra time and go out of their way to get my attention? Is it really my fault and should I be blamed for wanting to choose something different because it's always been decided for me? It's my hearing shouldn't I get a say? Some say that a woman has the right to choose to end a pregnancy, but how come some of those same people disagree with someone else's choice of their own bodies like their hearing? I am perfect just the way God created me to be. He made me this way for a purpose and a reason who am I to try to fix what's already broken as some would say? Drs. want money to fix hearing troubles but sometimes the risks of it aren't worth it. I'm thankful that I have friends and family who want to learn to communicate with me unlike some other people. Want to communicate with me you have to use your hands. This is a day in the life of me. Later I will share how to get someone like me's attention.

Hearing Aid

I guess as luck or fate would have it, my hearing aid is acting up to the point I don't feel like wearing it. I am excited but nervous about not having it to use. Today has been fun my hearing aid was working fine while my husband and I went around looking at cars, but when we got to walmart it started acting up pretty bad. So as of today I can't wear it. I'm used to them wearing out on me though. I've had one ever since I was 6. Guess it's time to put them away for now at least. It just bothers me when other people that are supposed to help people like me don't. Sorry this post is short. It's late and I'm tired. Goodnight.

Deafness

I feel like I am losing my hearing. I still don't know how I feel about wearing my hearing aid still. A hearing aid provider and maker the other day told me that it is also expensive to not have a hearing aid (socially and financally). I'm wondering how can being without a hearing aid be expensive. I mean I can understand that it could be frustrating for someone that does not know how to communicate with me, but I don't understand how it would be expensive from my point of view. This is the way I look at it; since I got help with the hearing aid that didn't cost anything, to get it repaired in the future (if I don't have help), earmold made, batteries, and gas to get it fixed or whatever. Those can add up to be pretty expensive. However going without a hearing aid; no batteries to buy, no gas to take it to get repaired, no repair costs, and no new molds. How would that cost more financially? Will I get shot like some boys did because a lady thought they were using gang signs (I sign even with my hearing aid, that wouldn't help much)? I'm trying to look at the pros and cons of keeping it or not. I also don't understand why someone who is supposed to be working with me has not emailed me back to let me know I can get my hearing checked. I honestly don't see how I can work with my hearing and my leg pain (together) without a boss not having a problem with me. I wish that I could find a job for 90 days even just a trial 90 days as long as they'd keep me until after that I could close my case without any trouble. But if I closed my case now without working if I needed them again they may not help me. Why do I feel like it's my fault that I have trouble doing things. If it isn't my ears causing a problem for people it's my leg. What am I supposed to do? The social security office is just as bad trying to make those with problems accomodate them and them not accomadating us. That's B.S.

Deaf or Hearing

I'm trying to decide to wear hearing aid or be deaf. I don't want to choose a path that my husband and I will regret. I don't want to hurt him or make him feel like his input isn't important. But at the same time I can tell that people do not believe that I am deaf. Which makes it hard on me. I'm so used to using my voice that going to just sign is going to be a challenge for even myself. With my hearing aid I can function most of the time without being sleepy, but since I am no longer used to being without a hearing aid except at bed time I get really tired very quickly, but if I stay active I'm fine. I would like to know your opinions. My new family (my husband's family) are more than willing to learn sign to communicate with me, however I don't know about my own family. I also don't want to hurt my husband and I don't know how to bring it up in conversation. I've asked him through texting and he hasn't responded, but I also know that I need to be direct and talk to him I just don't want him to tell me it's okay when it's not. I love him and would move Heaven and Earth for him if I could.

Disability Rights?

Today has been interesting. For the past few years I feel like just because I can talk very well to some people they think I have perfect hearing or gives them the right to discriminate against me because of my hearing. I do not see myself as a handicapped or a person with a disability (except for my leg). But that doesn't mean that I don't want to be treated with disrespect either. Last year I filed for disability because of leg pain and plus being deaf/hard of hearing with leg problems doesn't allow for too many job opportunities. I got denied because since being pregnant and not being able to have an xray on my hip. I was told I needed to file an appeal and see how that goes. I went to the Social Security Office today to pick up a packet for an appeal. Well my husband says will you be okay if I go help these people that were broken down, I said "yeah sure as long as I can hear them call my number". Well.....they had a tv that listed the number they are working with and it is supposed to change when it's the next person's turn (found this out today). While waiting the numbers are changing correctly, but when it gets to my number it doesn't change and then I barely hear the lady say the next person's number in line after me. At this point my husband appears at the door and says they just called your number and I say well they just called the person after me too. So we wait until the next person becomes available to talk to her. She gets finished with a couple and so I walk over ASAP WITH A CAIN and try to explain the situation and get told to "SIT BACK DOWN I DID NOT CALL YOU", I explain the situation and she again says "SIT BACK DOWN I DID NOT CALL YOU", my husband tries to explain and get's the same response, so I ask what am I supposed to do "GO SIT BACK DOWN". She was very rude. Then I sit back down my husband ready to beat the mess out of them for treating me like that, I told him to calm down. After she finished talking to someone else behind the wall and laughing and having a break, she asked for the next person in line. By this time I'd had enough and went outside to call the person that was my case worker to begin with and let them know of the situation. Well then after 10 minutes it seems when I can't get anyone, my husband appears and says "come on", I said "NO I'm NOT GOING BACK IN THERE". He tells me a manager wants to speak to me. I then say okay in that case I'll go in. Then she tells me that next time "if you don't have an escort you need to tell them your hard of hearing/deaf and tell them to speak up and tell them your number". I left and was like what in the world. I have to accomodate them and they are FREAKING SOCIAL SECURITY. THIS IS CRAZY ALL BECAUSE I CAN TALK PLAIN TO SOME THEY CHOOSE TO ACT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S B.S. I've had enough of this kind of crap.

My Journey

All my life I've been pushed to listen and talk. But never asked if something else was better for me. I still don't know where I fit in. I'm hearing yes but with the help of a hearing aid. Without it forget it unless you yell at me. There are still somethings I don't even understand about myself. Like how can I listen to music and sing, but yet can't even hear myself. How is that possible. Those closest to me can't hear or understand me sometimes because I either talk to low or I mumble. Where do I fit in? People always expect me to talk and listen, but get upset at me when they can't understand me. I get really aggitated when I have to repeat myself. The two closest people to me would understand if I just signed so I wouldn't have to repeat myself verbally, but growing up being yelled at a lot about anything and everything get used to talking. My family didn't learn sign for me. They did the best they could not knowing how to deal with a deaf child. Sad thing is though do I call myself deaf or hard of hearing? Which one am I? Does it matter? I usually tell people I'm deaf/hard of hearing. I would rather just say one or the other. I don't want to yell and get upset because of having to say things again and again. I've noticed if I sign and people don't understand I don't get upset if I need to repeat myself. I like myself better when I'm deaf. Why is life so complicated or is it that I just make it complicated? How come I'm nervous around others whom are just like me? Most people think I'm lying when I tell them I'm deaf/hard of hearing because I can talk so well. Just because I can talk so well doesn't mean I have perfect hearing. What should I do? My husband is learning sign now and so is his family. His family is a blessing, but mine are too. I also get help from a company for my hearing though. I have another disease in my leg that causes a great deal of pain at times. I saw my new counselor recently and (since I think my hearing may have gotten worse, I wanted a hearing test), so I made an appointment for the hearing test because it was free but the lady told me to get with my counselor because I may be able to get a new hearing aid. When I got home I emailed my counselor. person and told them about me being in a lot of leg pain (having leg pain and being deaf really doesn't leave a lot of options open for jobs) and asked about a hearing test but she wanted to know if I had applied to any jobs or was looking. Don't get me wrong I completely understand why she asked me that, but at the same time how can one perform a job when their hip hurts so bad at times just sitting hurts. Plus can't take secretary jobs because of hearing. So how am I supposed to work? Just doing laundry for 15 minutes hurts even with meds. What do I do? I want to be able to function without pain. I would love to get a job doing something that I love, but right now what jobs could I do? It seems like as long as people think I'm normal my body is like NO SHE IS NOT!